Hari Raya Eve..

Selamat Hari Raya Adilfitri! Haha.. Though it doesn't concerns me but my boy boy no need go army tmr so it does affects me.. Heex..

Anyway he called me at 3.36am last nite.. He said thought I sleep le so never call me at 2 plus.. Sian diao.. WE chat for barely 3 min.. But better than nv call me though he woke me up..

He's on his way back now.. I meeting him at 4:45 go admiralty pass dvd (HK drama) to Iris.. Then go Yishun have dinner..

Anyway my mum just came back from her last day of work.. Hehe.. Kinda glad cos no need wash dishes everyday le! Can resume my normal routine of washing once a week..



He change his mind.. He said wanna sleep till 6.. So I'll go meet my fren alone.. Totally irritated by his indecisiveness! So I said I dun wanna go out eat le. Asked him later buy dinner for me. He's rather unhappy but said if I prefer this way then ok lor. And then we hung up.


Okay.. I'm soft-hearted.. Called him to chit-chat and make up with him le.. Heex.. Lame.. He reach home le so we hung up.. He'll call me when he wake up lor..


He came my house with my dinner (Fried hor fun) at 8 plus and went home at 11 plus.. Thanks dear..

Waited in vain..

Haiz.. Watched tv from 9 to 11 then online mainly to window shop.. The models are pretty.. The clothes are nice.. Makes me more depressed cos I'm not tall nor pretty enough.. And no money to buy clothes..

It's 2 plus and I'm still waiting for him to call me.. He called me at 8 plus saying he going to sleep then 2am wake up continue with the exercise... So I told him to call me at 2 and he say ok..

Waited and waited.. Called him but heard the irritating "Starhub is unable to get a response......" cos his camp reception not good must go corridor then can call me..

Disappointed that he forgot to call me.. Going to sleep now.. The eye mask doesn't seems to work.. Perhaps cos sleeping late facing the computer is simply too taxing for my eyes..

Marriage?

Went for lunch with mum and uncle at 2 plus..

Ate fish porridge though I yearn for other food..

Cos my teeth will only recover only on wednesday..

Today not pain except when biting..

Why spend money and suffer pain? Haha.. I've always thought of it as unfair why others are born with beautiful teeth whereas I need to spend money and bear the pain?

Well everyone have flaws.. I've things people yearn for too.. I comfort myself many a times.. Haha..

Anyway what drew the last straw to making me go through this is when I saw the wedding pics of my fren.. Her teeth is not straight too..

I dun wish to have my large photo hanging on the wall with my teeth not straight..

And the two teeth that hides behind is starting to decay no matter how hard I try to maintain dental hygiene.. Everytime go polish it will turn back to white but as time pass, it starts to decolourise again..

And I spent the whole afternoon reading U weekly and The Straits Times.. Miss reading newspaper with bf as we will discuss and argue and laugh..

Talking about marriage.. recently my mum was telling me no need wait for save enough money, new flat come etc etc before getting married de.. Like her, she ROM at 19 and gave birth to my brother at 22 also raise us up wad.. I disagree with her view and my bf knows that..

I dun wanna live with in-laws cos i dun want any conflicts.. I want honeymoon trip, I want wedding dinner.. Haha.. And that's wad my bf wants too.. Both of us dun wanna get married cos of pregnancy.. And my bf wants a 5 room flat..

So hopefully we'll get married when i'm 24 and give birth when i'm 26.. Hehe.. though he had said 20/12/2012 he will marry me (That's his 24th birthday)... And he say wanna get me pregnant during my 2 yrs bond wif kkh so give birth free... LOl.. I know he's kidding.. Crazy guy.. He said he wants 3 children and he wants me to not work until the child turn 1.. 4 months maternity leave is not enough ya?

Lolz.. He got lots of plans ya? He made no promises to me.. These 2 yrs plus he dare not promise for fear of breaking them.. But every word he said.. Every hope, every dream are promises to me.. We both hope for forever though i always say we'll last meh?

And guess what? What matters most is that my dream of becoming a wife by 26 comes true.. Haha.. Cos I wanna be a young and pretty bride.. =P

Anyway my bf is complaining my basic pay of $1600 is low as a professional nurse.. Lolz.. With diploma pay so low.. That's wad he said.. Well I will pursue a degree.. And he going SIM after ORD next July.. I believe we'll lead a good life.. And sometimes he complain very sian to have children.. Haha.. And I agreed.. Though I love babies.. One day I saw a mother pushing the baby looking tired and sort of haggard.. I told my bf I'm afraid of aging.. I wanna be single, young and attractive.. Lolz..

Oh life is so short la.. My bf say hey u turning 20 next yr liao leh.. It's like Oh darling.. Please stop reminding me that I'm growing up day by day..

Monday blue..

Waited for my bf till 12 plus last night and fell asleep.. He woke me up at around 12:45 to say that he on his way at CTE.. Then 1 plus he called to say he going to park the car and Q up to bathe.. I always wait for my bf before sleeping de.. But I was too tired..

I woke up at 6 plus go toilet so i sms him mornin.. He told me he slept at 2:30 and didn't sleep well.. Haha.. Kinda glad he didn't wake me up at 2 plus..

Anyway he called me just now at 12 plus to tell me his exercise is 24 hr de.. Sop he not coming back tonight but he'll be back 12 plus tmr.. Haiz.. Here goes my monday I guess.. My life more or less revolves around him.. Oh my life would be so boring w/o him..

Today marks the start of my second week of holiday.. And I've got no plans.. Poly frenz r mostly at attachment or working.. Sec sch frens has gone to UNI which means they're very busy.. Haha.. So only poor Ming Li stays in singapore rotting.. If I have money to go overseas jiu hao le.. No particular country I wanna visit.. But sad to say my bf always tease me cos 19 yrs old le still nv board a plane b4..

Enough of complaining le.. Post again when I have things to share ba..

Sunday is over soon..

Met bf under his block and walk to admiralty at 3:30 instead of 2 cos he overslept and never call me immediately after he wake up.. he didn't really wanna go out but bo bian cos need to pei me..

Wenr IMM shop and he ate chicken rice while i eat tau suan.. Cos my teeth pain after tightening braces today even though i took one ponstan..

Came home early cos he need to go pick his parents at the airport..

Anyway was unhappy with him cos he treats family better than me.. Never really care about me.. And told him upset bf dun read gf blog.. But I know him too well.. He just won't bother to..

Anyway forgave him le.. He said he driving them home cos need 2 cars.. Too many people.. Well wadeva.. I only know that he that time failed to drive me home from custom..

I told him there's nothing wrong with treating family and ex good.. But just dun make me feel he treat others better than me can.. He replied ok...

Oh and today he said next time our children except height everything (features, complexion etc..) inherit from me can le.. So sian diao lor.. 158 very short meh?! He as a guy only 170 lor.. Still dare say me..

Just did pore refining peel for mum and myself.. Help her trim her eyebrow.. And I just put eye mask..

Now doing nothing much.. Just online and wait for bf to return home..

Anyway finally finish watching the tang xin feng bao zhi jia hao yue yuan..

1 week holi passed so quickly..

Woke up with my love again..

He accompany me go dental..

The dentist said now is ugly duckling period cos the upper set moved faster than the lower set.. I agree with him cos my lower is slightly more protruding than the upper.. And my bf always laugh at me de.. Bad.. But thanks for telling me tt i'll turn into beauty Ming Li.. Haha.. Dun worry my boy.. I won't dump u after becoming prettier.. U shall remain my one and only..

Now on the phone with him..

Meeting him at 2 go IMM shop..

Left only 2 weeks holiday to geron posting..

Heard Celest complaining until I dread the start of the 3 weeks attachment at ttsh ah..

Post again tonight..

Boring saturday

After a whole afternoon of HK drama.. Went to bathe

Meet bf at 7 plus go 888 plaza buy dinner come my house eat..

Then cut nails for him..

He's now lying in my bed leaving me feeling very sian..

It's saturday..

Slept and woke up with my love..

He went home at 9 and I continue to sleep till 11..

Anyway date Joey and Kat for badminton cum table tennis plus cycling de.. But Period come yesterday.. So won't be joining them le.. Sian.. And this time instead of 32 to 35 days interval.. It's 27 days only.. Crazy period..

Now doing nothing.. Listening to songs and slack.. No plans for today leh.. Perhaps stay at home and watch HK drama..

Went for a date today

Went orchard with bf..

Watched painted skin..

Then after bathing..

He came over my house..

Just helped him put facial mask and I put eye mask..

Sweet date..

While waiting for him.. I tried all the stuff he brought back for me and my family..









Went Causeway point with him to shop around and have dinner..

Had lotsa laughter..



Then came to my house to show me the rest of the pics and videos in his hard disk..

He's exhausted.. Actually me too.. But I help him massage..

Had agreed to stay till 11 earliest, but I am understanding la.. Ask him go home rest early..

Tomorrow going Orchard with him for movie..

Only he can make me smile..

I'm going to remove my makeup, brush teeth wash face put facial mask and have an early nite..

Happiness overwhelmed me..

I went to his place at 12 plus..

He engulfed me with hugs and kisses..



We slept at 2 plus..

Set alarm to 5:45am cos he ask me go home before my mum wake up for work so I won't get scolding..

But I didn't heed his advice.. I'm never someone secretive.. And before I went out I told mum I going over his place.. Though I never say that I'll spend the night there.. Anyway 6 plus my mum called.. So I told her I at his place.. Didn't get scolding la.. Bcos I've always been a good daughter ma.. Haha.. It's the first time I spent the night at his place.. Though he spent countless nights at my place le..

Anyway we went to buy Roti Prata for breakfast at around 8 and come my house eat..

He feed me.. So sweet..




glitter-graphics.com


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He left soon after breakfast cos he forgot to off the air-con.. And he say I never help him off.. TOOT! LOLz..

So I went to sleep after chatting with him for less than 5 min.. Exhausted...

My alarm rang at 11:35am.. Woke up in shock cos of bad dream.. I prepared and go driving.. Miss May la.. Going alone very sian one..

However the driving went smoothly.. The instructor did say I not bad.. Haha.. When U r happy, everything goes well!

But the instructor was last time use pointer poke my thigh when learning slope de.. (which I complained to May) And he's still very naggy today.. BUt it's ok la.. At least not fierce can le..

And now I'm having my lunch! Grilled Doryfish Pasta which I bought at admiralty after going Guardian to buy facial masks and Oral B mouthwash..

I'm so hungry man! Wanna faster finish up my late lunch le..

Post again tonight after my date with him ba!

While waiting..

Almost 12am and I'm still waiting for my boy boy..

So bored.. So I took some pics of myself.. And chose one to MMS him.. Hehe..

Shit!

I take back my words.. very pan dan.. Cos I diarrhea again.. Taken medicine.. Now go watch tv and wait...

Looking forward..

Today spent whole day watching HK drama..

Anyway glad that today no diarrhea.. Cos mon and tues I had diarrhea.. Everytime got diarrhea people will say huh so thin still got diarrhea ah? Oh please.. I eat of course got waste products de ma.. Haha.. And dun be envious if u think diarrhea is wad makes me thin.. Cos I think it's more of high BMR.. though my intestines r nt very good de..

And I received sms from my friend who I knew from work last time.. She'll ROM next June on the 6th and have wedding dinner end of yr.. Ask me be her sisters.. Haha.. Happy to see Iris and Jeff get married.. Boost my confidence in relationship.. Will be the second time I be sisters.. Last yr I was the sister of Vivienne, another girl I know from work..



Anyway later going over to bf's house help him pack his things.. Haha.. Having me as a gf very good hor? =P

Make me the girl u love most.. now and forever..

I miss him like hell.. Seeing him will bring me to heaven..

Anyway he said he miss me so he look at my photos in his hp..

He said he like got 2 gf.. One with rabbit teeth and the other with braces. And yes he love the newer one more.. Actually I kinda miss my rabbit teeth.. But cute for so many yrs le.. Should grow prettier right? LOLz..


I miss you dear honey darling lao gong! Haha.. Super mushy. I know... But he won't bother to read my blog de.. So dun have to care wad I write abt him.. And I only state facts.. Good or bad.

Can't wait to see him tmr nite.. Been a week since I last hug him.. Need to indulge myself in his arms.. Fill my heart with love pls!

Disappointed in him

Last night he never contact me.

I woke up and prepared to go to malaysia.

Just before I go out, I receive his online sms to ask me online.

So I chose him over going JB with family.

We chat using mike. I see him with webcam.



But ended up we quarrel. He ask me go love other guys.

I'm so tired of him.

Okay. he sms me to call his bro hp. We talked for ard 30 min. Forgive him le. I know I'm soft-hearted. His flight change to 6pm tomorrow so reach home at 11 plus. he ask me go over his house sleep cos nobody at home. I considering.

He ask me call him again. Talk cock for 20 min. I love him more than i hate him.

Is my bf that bad-looking?

Just played badminton with Katherine..

As usual, she ask me got change bf ma.. Haha.. She simply dislike my bf la.. Cos the way he hurts me.. She ask me then my bf got intro me to his friends ma.. Haiz.. Sad la.. Y everytime ask me this question my ans is the same?

Anyway she say a gal from my sec sch Hui Yun.. I dunno her but think got see her before ba.. She saw my bf and I and told Kat that I so pretty why my bf not handsome at all. Like flower on cow's dung. OMG! Should I be happy that she thinks I'm pretty? But no, I'm totally sian diao by wad she said abt my boy.. Kat said that b4 but nvm cos she's my gd fren..

So I should be the one to let go of him when I see people who knows me right? How ironic..

Anyway I think many people from WRSS knows me bcos of my hair.. Been asked more than a 100 times by teachers, principal, schmates..Not exaggerating..

And I remembered got once i was walking up the stairs to the school hall after recess when a sec 5 malay gal with highlighted hair pull my hair.. She said it was so unfair that first class people dye hair dun get punished. And a malay classmate said to me that 'U think u very pretty ah. Like monkey.'

I was really pissed off. It's not my fault I'm born with brown hair right. Annoyed by those who ask again and again. If dun trust me, then just go ahead cont. to assume instead of questioning me.

Haiz.. But anyway I enjoyed the badminton session with Kat.. Long time never exercise le.. And she very funny.. Always ask me reach home sms her.. It was 6 plus when we go home lor.. I got so attractive that guys will take the risk of molesting me in broad daylight ma?

I'm missing him..

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Bastards

I shall now share my experience regarding horny bastards.. girls should beware of guys..

When I was 6, an indian man took off his pants at my door and signal that thing (though I dunno the handsign at that time). This happened for ard 5 times... I never dare tell my mum or grandma...

When I was 9, another man exposed himself at the doorstep of my 3rd uncle's house...

When I was 11, as i walk to my cousin's house alone in the afternoon.. A guy who is ard 17 approach me and said that i look sick.. He ask me follow him so that he can check for me... Lolz! Of cos I'm not so stupid. I told my cousin who in turn told my mum...

When I was 15, I like to chat in irc cos of loneliness..

Several guys I meet says they like me and wanna be my bf.. Haha.. Scary la.. So despo..

One particular guy said he is 18 and he does sound young.. End up he's ard 50 ba.. EEeek..

One guy i meet for movie and dinner.. The 3rd meeting i went his house do homework, he ask me watch porn with him.. Crazy. However he didn't force me.. And of cos now never contact le..

The worse case was a guy who was nice to chat on phone.. I chatted with him for 2 months before he started to show his real side.. He keep wanting to meet me.. But I dun wish to.. Cos I already conclude that guys known thru online can't be trusted.. Haha.. Anyway he started calling my house in the middle of the nite when i refuse to answer his calls... I ask him wad can i do to make him let me off... He gave me his address and said he wanted sex. Disgusting man. My brother said he will accompany me go report to police. But end up i dun have the courage. So i spent $60 to change my house and handphone number. Half a year later i dunno how but he found my new no. Faint. However this time I very attitude to him, I spoke in english harshly saying I'm not interested in him (like it wasn't me), so he never call me again. And oh ya.. his mum called me.. she is obviously unaware wad her son wants from me.. she told me go her house eat when free lor.. like as if i'm her son's gf.. I can't bear to hurt her by telling her wad a pervert her son is.. So i politely rejected.. Can u believe this? Asking mum to call a gal who u wanna rape?

And now, a mid-thirties guy who live in woodlands keep messaging me in friendster about seeing me in my neighbourhood and need to relieve himself each time. I'm totally disgusted. And he grabbed my pictures.. So i reported him.. And now he is using his fifth account which haven been suspended to message me again! Irritating. And i think I saw him once.. There was once when i was waiting for bus 912 with mum when a guy keep turning around to look at me though he walk few metres away le..

Since 16 i never go irc le.. And will never go again.. Cos people r either lonely cum despo or horny cum pervert.

However there r many guys who add me in friendster. I dun mind chatting with them in msn if they're decent. But once they started to say things indecent, i delete and block them.

I dun think i'm attractive, but my frens and bf always say guys look at me. Basically i never make eye contact or look at people when i walk.. Been whisered by ard 10 guys before.. But i ignored. I'm totally sick and tired of dealing with guys.

Second time I cried like hell..

The 1st time is of course my parents' divorce..

The 2nd time is when my grandma passed away when i was 13..

I remember she held my hand and told me to take care of mum and my brother...

I'm the one who saw her last breath in SGH..

I'm the one who cried the most...

I remember for months i dun dare look at her photos...

Till now I dun like to go pay respect to her...

It takes alot of time to accept that she's gone forever...

I'll never see her again..

I really miss her...

Tears r welling up as I type this...

It just hurts so much to see a loved one goes...

I wish I can hug her right now and tell her thanks for taking care of me..

I love her.. I remember the stories of world war 2.. I remember the toot toot hairstyle she cut for me.. I will always remember her...

Empty

We chatted for 3 hours on msn..

He'll reach home on 25th at around 3am..

Tonight his brother will most probably go drink with frens so i'll only try my luck to call him tomorrow night.. How to live w/o him till thurs?


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Anyway about my results.. It dropped from 3.67 to 3.4 to 3.3 to 3.274 and now 3.173..

My clinical and attachments always drag me down..

Anyway I enjoyed the OT attachment more than the ED one.. In OT the nurses keep asking me why dun wanna work there after graduation.. Haha.. Got potential, proactive etc.. Thanks for the positive comments.. But i prefer Paeds medical wards..

And now I'm very poor.. Left with $45 to survive until thurs..

$950 a month.. $50 for hp bill, $200 for braces, $210 to $280 for driving, $200 for sch fees, $50 to pay back my mum cos owe her $$ for buying new comp.. and the rest is spent on transport and food..

Now is 3 weeks holi b4 i go TTSH Ward 7C with Zhu Yu for 3 wks Geron posting.. Then 1 wk holi b4 the 3 mths PRCP..

I look forward to graduating but not starting of work probably on 13th April.. Heex..

I'm missing my frens.. both sec and poly frens.. Hope can have more gatherings..

Yeah!

I'm now chatting with him thru msn.. I can see him thru webcam and he can hear me cos i use mic..

He says he miss me alot.. So he found this cafe which is a 2 hr drive from his house there..

Heex.. I'm easily contented..

About Me

Born in KKH on 15th Aug 1989...

Lived in Circuit road (near Aljunied) 2 room flat with parents and elder brother who is 4 years older than me...

My dad is a gambler who dun go home... Borrow salary le then dun go work... Owe people money... Never pay rent and bills... I remember i eat porridge with soya sauce...

My mum who is disappointed with him had an extramarital affair with neighbour...

When I was 5, one day my mum left... I cried day and night...

My brother keep playing games... So he taught me to look at the clock, take the lift alone and buy food at nearby hawker... The hawkers always laugh at me cos i so young go buy things alone... This explains why I dun like to buy food now...


After a week, she came for me... I remember i haven go buy food yet so i'm very hungry... I dun even have a chance to wear my slippers when she carried me and ran to her sister house where i eat alot of biscuits...

So i missed my K2 studies as I lived at grandma house at selegie... It is very crowded... My mum brother and sisters r not that good.. Looked down on us...

1996: 1/6 in Stamford primary
1997: 2C in Stamford primary

I remembered that i have extra english classes cos my english very poor... And i remember my best feen is a thailander... And my form teacher likes me alot...

In 1997, My grandma can't stand the quarrels so she decided to sell her 3 room flat...

So my mum and i lived with her with her 3rd son at dover road 2 room flat for $150 per month and lots of sarcasm from him.. My mum work as a waitress so when i sleep she nt home yet... When I wake up... She went to work le... I miss her alot... Just when I needed mother's love most.. She's not there... So now even though she hugs me every day.. It's no longer the same...

1997: 2/3 in Ghim Moh pri
1998: 3/4 in Ghim Moh Pri
1999: 4A in Ghim Moh Pri

In Pri 3 cos i missed out a few months of school i dunno how to do division... The teacher called my mum for that...
However, I got first in class that year... But a fren told me she hate me when i comfort her for getting poor results... And I made something for the teacher but he threw it away... Sometimes it just doesn't pay to be kind... I remember my best fren then was Jinny, she is in np nursing now.. though we dun really contact..

Finally we got our own house 4 room flat in woodlands!! No need see the face of others le! My mum's bf moved in with us and provide for us... He is the neighbour who i know since i have memory.. He's nice.. Drive us around for food etc when i was young.. But I admit I did hate him for awhile cos he is part of the reason my family broke...

1999: 4D in Woodlands Ring Pri
2000: 5B in Woodlands Ring Pri
2001: 6B in woodlands Ring Pri

I remember in P4 my chinese teacher threw my book cos she say my handwriting too ugly.

In P5 and P6, my form teacher simply sux!! So fierce and pick on me... I quit prefect cos it is so boring to ask people to keep quiet, Q up and look after the locked gate... but I continued to be a maths buddy which is to teach a P1 kid maths and clean up the maths corner... Basically the kid is not interested so i help him fill in the ans... LOLZ...

Oh ya.. I remember a guy spit at my fren so I scolded him and he punched me in the stomach.. it was teachers' day so my classmates ask me not to tell teacher... I cried...

In P6 i fell for a malay guy.. haha... Childish me... He got a gf le.. So i was questioned by many people on her side.. Oh my god right.. So young and so scarred...

My best fren then was Li Chun, Sing Ee and Si Hui (MY niece)...

I got 240 for PSLE.

2002-2005: Sec 1/1, 2/1, 3/1 and 4/1 in Woodlands Ring sec...

Okay I like a malay guy again.. Heex.. perhaps cos my class not much guys and i sat beside him.. He's naughty but nice.. But obviously nth came out of it la.. Though some ppl sensed it... I kicked a guy who touch me and he said if it was the guy i like i won't... Haha..

And there was this guy who i play with.. he kneed down to ask for my forgiveness when i pretend to be angry with him... he said I'm pretty in front of the guys.. Rumours went on so I distanced myself from him..

And there was this guy who hide behind the wall and peep at me and gave me something in front of the whole class.. My friends laughed at me for months...

That's probably the reason why I dun keep in contact with any sec sch guys...

My best frens in sec sch are Sing Ee, Li Chun and Mei Xing.. Other good frens include Kat, Soh Hwee, Theresa, Brenda etc... I still meet up with them for gatherings 1 to 3 times a yr..

2005 June: I chatted with Jerry Cai Chaocai in IRC... He lives 624 while I live 620... Chatted on msn, sms and phone for half a year...

2005 dec: I worked in CASIO part-time after O level... Meet up with Jerry whom he told me his name is keith after work... It was a funny meeting.. from under his blk to my blk.. A 4 min walk.. I jumped up and my hand accidentally touched his as i saw a cockroach...

The second meeting my mum went to work from nite to morning.. So I asked him over pei me from 2am to 6 am.. But seriously we didn't do anything... Except he hugged me.. My first hug... And i was late for work that day cos i fell asleep after he left..

The third meeting he gave me a skirt for x'mas... First gift... Though I refused to accept.. He forced.. So lied to mum it was from a female colleague..

Christmas '05, i went party with work frens at orchard after work.. At 2am i meet him at his playground... It was so sweet to be wooed.. Heex...

1st jan '06, he asked me to be his part-time gf... Which means not serious de... It was the sweetest week i have in my entire life... However, on 7th Jan he broke up with me cos I fell for him.. he can't let go of his ex whom he stead for 3 yrs plus... She dumped him for another guy.. Yes I cried.. he tried calling me, sms me.. But i didn't reply..



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At that time i was on very good terms with a guy i know from work.. but we r like sisters.. Fate didn't allow us to develop though very ai mei... It's been 2 yrs plus since i last met up with him though we still keep in contact..

And there was this guy who i think is handsome.. my heart raced each time I see him.. Love at first sight.. Now I still contact him but no more heart-thumping feel when i see him..

In march, I stead with a guy who is 11 yrs older than me for 2 wks.. yes my first kiss was him.. But i dun love him.. He fetch me home from work everyday.. Then i decided to contact jerry... I met up with him for a movie.. he forced a kiss on me.. And that was the first time I whispered I love you into his ears.. And I mean it...

I broke up with this guy cos of jerry.. I thought I was bad until a year later I found out that he was two-timing me at that time..

Well on 4th April '06.. I started a serious relationship with Jerry.. My first love...

Hurt 1:

Lied about not having a friendster.. I found out when i go his house and use comp.. I cried.. He refused to add me until I quarreled with him.. But he won't accept my testi.. He deleted the i miss you testi from his ex.. And he deleted me from friendster when i view his ex profile.. Yes he still loves her.. wad am i? He let me go when i wanna break up with him... Though in the end i still can't let go..

He kept many things from me.. He's a liar.. His name is Jerry and not Keith.. He is born in china and migrated here when he was ard 6.. His biological age is ard 2 yrs older than his age in IC...



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Hurt 2:

He call his ex 1 min after i failed to ans his call..


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Hurt 3:

Refused to introduce family and friends to me even till now...

Ignore me when he saw his frens at 888 plaza and at bowling...

Ran away when he saw his dad under my block and at bus stop...

Let go of me when he saw his ex fren at bugis... That was the second time he say break up.. I cried in the mrt.. Thoroughly hurt.. S'pore is so small.. Does it mean I have to disappear everytime he sees someone he knows?

On his 19th birthday i was having high fever.. he went out with his frds to celebrate.. I hate him.. He refused to bring me along.. I went to a guy's house to spite him.. And that idiot forced a kiss on me..

Hurt 4:

He chat dirty with colleagues at Zoo where he work part time..

Hurt 5:

He went China on 17th which is wednesday.. The night before he scolded me when i insist on meeting him.. I cried.. he said he won't be calling me for the 8 days trip.. he said I'm irritating and never grow up.. Last time he go Tekong i cried for 5 nites.. Every sunday he refused to meet me b4 he book in cos meet anot i still cry... One nite too tired nv call me then i angry.. I waited 24 hrs for him and he just sms me good night and off his hp.. How could I stay calm? he said he's only going oversea not dying..


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Hurt 6:

I called his brother hp to find him he sounded rather unhappy that I called.. He hide the fact that it was his bro hp until the 2nd time i called cos he said they r not always togather... I'm thoroughly disappointed cos he doesn't bother to call me whereas I went to buy the calling card just to call him.. waste my time, effort and money... I doubt he will call me tonight...



Enough of the pain he inflicted on me.. I'm emotionally abused.. No one has hurt me the way he does.. He dun give me a sense of security so I deleted his contacts out of anger 1 yr plus ago.. Since then I am labelled a demanding and controlling gf...


So wad's so great about him that makes him the one and only guy I love??

Well He used to be soo nice to me.. He nv scold me even if I slap him..

he buy dinner for me and mum...

he has never been unfaithful to me...

he takes care of me when i'm sick..

he meet me almost everyday..

he date me out every weekend..

he gives me alot of freedom..

he always say i'm clever and pretty.. though he also said that i am blur and he thinks i'm short, my teeth not straight, my breast too small etc etc...

Haha.. Saying wad's good also links to wad's bad...

So am I a good girlfriend?

I admit I have flaws... Bur at least I'm faithful and forgiving.. I massage for him.. I care for him... I nv once rejected meeting him.. When he needs me I'm right there.. I never once be as cruel as him to ignore me for days.. I at most ignore hm for 30 min.. I always tried my best to salvage the relationship even if the fault lies in him..

Seriously I'm really tired... Holding on to a guy who will nv love me the way I love him... Yes he loves me.. I know that.. But his reason for not giving me things other guys can give is just that he's like that lor.. I must accept him for who he is..

Almost 2 1/2 yrs le.. I've learnt to accept.. I still believe that my first will be my last.. I still try to trust him... I'm still not giving up... At least he dun love his ex anymore after we stead for 1 yr... At least now I'm his one and only.. Relationship is soo hard to maintain.. U just have to keep on trying.. Though it hurts to try too hard... We're not suitable for each other.. But I still hope that we will last forever..


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April '06 till now, I'm in NYP Nursing.. Despite objections from family, bf and frens, I decided on this course though my L1R5 is 11 and R4 is 9..

I have always wanted to be a teacher until sec 3 when i dun wanna go JC.. Sick and tired of doing homework everyday like in sec sch...

I love children.. So i bond with KKH for 2 yrs... I wanna be a nurse cos I wanna help.. I dun like boring jobs like sitting in front of the comp 8 to 5.. I'm not creative...

In poly I've lots of good frens.. Blessed to be in NR0614.. Almost everyone r really nice to me.. I enjoyed my poly life... Though few months ago I came to realise that some people can be evil.. I cried, I had nightmares.. But now it's all over.. They r not worth mentioning..


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As for family, I visit my father once or twice a year.. We r not very close.. I dunno how to love a father since young.. And as for my brother.. I felt so guilty that I took away the chance from him.. My mum chose to take me and leave him to my dad cos I am a gal, I'm younger and my father's brother came out from IMH that time before he committed suicide.. And I love and miss him.. It's such a pity I missed out so much of his life.. But now he is very xin fu cohabiting with his gf..



And one major differences bet. my bf and I is that I never like to lie or hide things but he's exactly opp...

I shall end my first post of my 4th blog here.. Dunno when my next post will be, but i hope it's about how nice my life is and not how bitter i'm feeling..



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