Need a break..

Today I never take case though I served med.. I'm just too tired to take case.. Busy all day.. And angry cos kena scolded by a fussy patient when I feed PEG..

Anyway my 2nd uncle came so we went out for dinner..

Met my bf awhile before he book in.. Went admiral park.. Then when i walk back alone got 2 malay guys who looked gangster said hello to me.. I simply walk off..

Tomorrow and fri going HSE and mon is PH.. Yeah.. No need go back 7C for 5 days.. Really need a break..

PRCP posting is out.. I'm posted to ward 56.. Paeds medical.. Total 4 students and none of which i know.. But at least the discipline is wad I want.. Lucky nv post me to gynae or obs.. Hehe..

I aim to finish learning driving during PRCP so that I can take my test before my PDL expires on 6th march.. Hope can pass first time!! So many things ongoing..

Emptiness filled my heart..

Today took one case.. But never pass report cos when I wanna write report the staff nurse wanna see us students for teaching us documentation...

But I did serve medication and do changes in IMR etc.. It's tiring to take cases and stressful too..

Today lecturer said looking at my dark circles she knows I'm very tired and will fall sick next wk if I dun take care.. She ask me take lime and beef to boost my immunity.. Haha.. My bf said I got dark rings cos didn't sleep well as I called him at 1 plus.. Perhaps miss him so nv sleep well ba..

And I dun really see myself as a third yr student cos there're many things I nv did before..

Urinary catheterisation, NG tube insertion, Stomach washout, off drain, PEG feeding, Connect extension tubing, IM injection, collect urine FEME and culture from Indwelling catheter, Suctioning... Dunno why I got so many skills nv perform before.. Haiz.. Always busy with diapers and parameters..

Now eating instant beehoon.. Today finally no homework! So just now was watching HK drama.. How I wish tomorrow is saturday.. Am I lazy or wad?

Anyway during attachment I eat much more than usual as I'm hungry all day long.. I finish all my meals and take snacks on my way home and when I reach home.. Yet everytime attachment i'll get skinnier.. And I'm sick of people saying how thin I am..

That's all for today.. Hope tomorrow will be a better day..

Stupid.

I lied in bed since 9pm and unable to sleep so went toilet at 9:51pm.

As I was in toilet I have a hench that he'll call me. So quickly go back to my room and check my hp. True enough!! 9.55pm one missed call from him. Called him back at 9:57pm and no reception again!! Damn it. Called 3 times also like that.. Haiz.

Anyway came online cos forgot to send Zhu Yu homework to be combined.

Very sian diao now. Why am I so blur that I didn't put my hp into my pocket and go toilet like I usually do?!!

Lonely night..

Although mdm Tang told me to take case today, I didn't cos I dunno how to make changes in imr etc yet so I learnt today and tomorrow will probably take case. She signed our Logbook today for mid-way de..

" A proactive, alert and keen to upgrade oneself student - keep it up! health tips shared to improve her weight and increase immunity. A reliable, responsible and caring nurse. Has potential to EXCEL with guidance. "


I must say that the feedback is exceptionally good.. But I still dun like this posting.. Haha.. Too much homework..


Anyway I just met bf for 5 min cos he booking in for exercise on night shift. Haiz. This means I've got no dear to talk to when I'm lying in bed going to sleep later.. Missing him already..

Weekend is almost over..

Last nite he asked me go yishun walk walk.. So i met him 7.20 at the 912 bus stop..

We walked to admiralty and went pasar malam walk walk and buy food and drinks..

Then we take 969 go Chong Pang walk walk..

Bought Choc Pokkie and mac ice cream..

Then he ate Roti prata and teh tarik..

We rented 'The Oh in Ohio" from a machine outside North Point..

Then we meet my mum at the pasar malam to help her bring back stuffs she bid..

Reached home around 12 am then I go bathe and bf n I watch the dvd..

As he saw me taking out contact lens before i bathed he commented that oh he has a wife who take out eyeball.. Dots.. So I asked ur ex nv wear ontact lens meh twice then he replied yes but he nv go her hse b4 ma.. And I probe him.. As I know that's a lie. And true enough he went her house before lor.

We lie in bed at 2 plus.. He hugged me but I dun wanna hug him so i type an sms in his hp saying abt yet another lie.. I tried to ignore the feeling of being deceived but i just can't. Bcos as i lie in bed, the fear of him with all his lies and the pain just came back like I relived the hurtful events.

Haiz.. And so he slept.. This reminds me of 1 1/2 yrs ago, I keep asking him his frds know he got gf anot.. His answer is always yes.. I didn't believe him.. So I use his hp to sms 3 gals and they all dunno my existence.. That nite I didn't sleep.. I couldn't bear to sleep beside a liar..

And last nite I realised he has not changed.. He's still full of lies... I really dun understand why.. Perhaps truth hurts..

Well in the end I hugged him while he's asleep..

Woke up at 8am as his hp alarm ring.. He didn't hug me.. Just raised his voice and order me to quickly go prepare cos we had said to go woodlands point eat breakfast.. I was angry. I'm not a dog. So I said I dun wanna go and sent him out to my door.. He did not bother to coax me.

After 10 mins of calming down.. I called him.. He was already at the bus stop. I sms him if he's going alone. He said he's waiting for me. That's bullshit. He didn't even bother to call me. It's just that just nice he haven board the bus lor. So I replied that I'm tired of being obedient like a dog and he would have waited for me under my block if he wanted me to go. Well he's a loner anyway.

So I lie in bed feeling angry and hurt. I was biting my thumb hard cos physical pain can make heartache diminish for a moment. Okay I'm a little psychotic at times.

And then I decided to go find him. To be happy or upset is a choice. I know i can't fall back asleep. I know if I dun do anything my sunday will be a really bad one.

So I called him to ask him dun go eat first cos I'm on my way. He said he wanna wait for me I dun want then have to go alone very sian one. I dun wish to quarrel with him. And he said he'll wait for me. So I took the bus alone there. It's a first time. And I realise I didn't really open my eyes during the journey with him so many times cos i past some infrastructure that I never noticed before and was wondering if I had missed the bus stop. Just like since I'm attached I never look at guys. My bf always say that I dun give better guys a chance.

When he saw me, he held my hand. I didn't bother to fight with him.

So we had Mac breakfast. I tried the new wasabi fillet-o-fish. I didn't like it so the last 1/4 i exchanged with him and eat mcGriddle. One good thing about him is that he's never fussy about food.

After which we walked around at woodlands centre and he bought earpiece for me for $15 cos my earpiece is spoiled.

Then we took 903 to wdl mrt and took train to bugis. He bought me a $5 watch bcos my nurses' watches are spoiled and I need a watch.

We shop till 1 plus then head to sun plaza to have our lunch.

At 3 plus it was still raining heavily so when we ran to the bus stop, we were drenched.

We were shivering in the bus and he rubbed my hand and thigh to provide me warmth. yes that's sweet.

And he lent me $80 cos I'm broke. I'll return him on sat..

Anyway these 2 days we saw 4 girls whose dress are so short that the panties can be seen and the heels are just so high.

Especially today got 2 girls go orchard at 11 plus. The dress short still nvm, it was white and so thin that we can see red bra with black panty. We both think that they're sluts. And i said they r prostitute is it and my bf said they're escorts. Well many poly, JC and uni girls are working these kinda part-times to earn their sch fees and their LV bags etc.

I said nowadays alot of these kinda girls no choice. Then my bf said that even in ancient times also got prostitutes wad. So I replied, last time they were ashamed of their work. Now these girls are proud cos they think they can be in this line bcos they have assets. So my bf said they change ten bfs do with all ten so doesn't make a difference anymore and somemore can earn lotsa money.

Well I've received email from such company looking for escorts. And got a guy who email me twice about wanting to 'bao' me for 3 times a week during office hour and 3k/mth cos he saw my pics in friendster. Of course I ignored these people.

Haiz.. The world has changed. Nowadays sex is just nothing to most people.

Wasted saturday..

He went home at 7 plus.

I continue to sleep till 11 plus.

Online until 2 plus.

Went Facial at Vista Point from 3 to 4 plus. It's my 4th time going for facial since 16 I think.

It was painful as usual.

Thought bf will date me out but he said it's late and his parents cook dinner alr.

I'm disappointed. Really tired of him.

So I watch HK drama then now my mum wanna watch channel U so I came online to do my homework. Haiz. Weekend also cannot rest. Wad an attachment.

Dreading monday cos must take case.

Thinking of conversation with 2 girls whom I know thru attachment. They're not bonded. They will not be working as a nurse cos nursing is just so different from wad they expected. And I must say that me too.

Since year 1 I regreted my choice. It's stressful and busy and not all patients or their relatives appreciate u. I'm tired of nursing after 3 yrs of attachment. But I shall strive on to finish my 2 yrs bond.

After the 2 yrs bond, I'll either get a degree in nursing or change career path completely. If I shall cont. nursing, my aim is to be a lecturer. Haha. Seems like fat hope girl.

I used to think that interest is the most important thing when choosing career, I guess now I realise we work bcos we need money to survive. That's reality.

I'm already 19. Wondering how many yrs I still have. I'm tired of living. Ha-ha.

Here's question 10 which i dunno y I missed out..

Do you have any regrets?

Yes I do. I regret not hugging my grandma and tell her I love her before she passed away.

I regret loving my bf.

I regret choosing nusing.

Well life is just full of regrets.

But I'll make the best out of my choices.